The week after the Royal Wedding celebration was tough, I then felt very frustrated and angry at feeling sick all the time. It feels like every day there is something wrong and I just get incredibly annoyed. I feel pressure to be at work (mainly from myself), this is so hard when I have zero get up and go and don't want to step outside my front door.
I got to a bit of a breaking point where I felt I needed to take some extended leave. I went as far as speaking to Lois about it even though I knew deep down that it wasn't what I really wanted. I'm pleased to say that I've put those ideas to one side for now!
Over the next couple of days I felt better and after doing a week in the office felt much stronger and happier. It's never about wanting to leave work with me, more about the strain I feel I am putting on my colleagues, it's really upsetting and when I have those down days as I just can't see any clear way out.
Last week I went down with gastroentiritus, 7 days of horrendous-ness! Initially I just couldn't believe my luck but as the Dr said, everyone gets infections like this and it's not my fault, or connected to my other health problems. Ironically by the end of last week I was feeling the best I had done in a while although unfortunately I did have a bit of a relapse yesterday and feeling drained and low again today.
I've increased my anti-depressant medication but my GP did also warn that because of the gastroentiritus, the tablets may not have been fully absorbed and could have a knock on effect. I didn't really think it would but it feels that way today.
I just find that I'm constantly questioning, often when there is no answer. Do I feel rubbish because I've had a nasty infection or is it because my tablets have increased, or is it because they didn't work fully last week?! It's funny how last week I didn't feel so out of control, I understood what was wrong with me, other people understood what was wrong. I knew it would take 1-2 weeks to feel better and that would be that. As always with the GAD I don't know when I will feel good or bad, when the tablets will work and when I will feel normal or if I ever will!
I feel like this post isn't as inspiring as some others but I feel it's important for others going through this to see that it's not all rosy for me and also for myself to acknowledge the bad times, sometimes it's easy to just brush these days under the carpet.
No comments:
Post a Comment